No Ca-Ca On Me

So this was my first full day without cigarettes (again). It wasn’t really hard and at and I didn’t want one all day. It’s not really a problem for me to put them down. The problem is not picking them up again in a moment of extreme panic and stress… like when I realized my “sober” friend showed up high. In that moment I don’t care if I die. I don’t care that they’ll depress me. I don’t care that they’re expensive. I just want NOT to feel like I’m feeling. That’s the base principle of all addiction I guess. I know one thing for sure: Crossfit does a lot more than any drug ever did to make me feel better across the board. Even though it’s designed (principally) for the body, the benefits for the “brain housing group” (Marine-speak) is as great as what it does for the rest of you. It’s hard as hell and if it’s not, you’re not doing it right. Of course I can’t imagine anybody going into a Crossfit gym and not working their ass off. The embarrassment alone would be too much. I like the getting up early thing too. I have my little routine going. I feed the dogs, pour us each a cup of coffee and put Adam’s by the bedside. By then it’s time to let the dogs go out to go potty. Then I sit down and write stream-of-consciousness for thirty minutes in my little moleskin journal. I do about ten minutes of yoga and sit in meditation for about ten. Then it’s time to leave for Crossfit.
I’m coming to realize… that’s a lie, I realized a LONG time ago that I try to pack way too much into each day. There’s a certain amount of stress that comes from having a never ending to-do list that never gets done but there’s nothing I’m really willing to give up. One thing that’s not getting done is that I’m not writing. I do the morning pages thing and I try to blog every day but by the time we open in New York, I want to have Let Us Sing and Yankee Doodle Faggot finished and ready to go into production. That’s entirely possible. I have a good running start on both and they’re basically finished in my head. I just have to get them down on paper and do the polishing. I’m glad y’all will be able to take this journey with me, finishing these two plays and then opening The Eyes of Babylon at 59E59 in late Spring.
There’s been a fair amount of ca-ca that’s floated down the river in the last week. But I’ve done my best to keep treading water and shooing it away with my hands so none of it gets on me. I’ve done a pretty good job.
I’m going to sleep. I’ve got to start getting more shut-eye. Nite.

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