Confession, Repentance and Recommitment

I confess of the sin of popcorn, Milk Duds and Diet Coke tonight at the movie.  As with all addiction, I went in with the firm resolution not to do it but Max wanted popcorn and candy and I didn’t say no and with it all right there in front of me, well, I caved.  The worst part is I got the Milk Duds just for me.  I can’t even blame them on the little guy.  He wanted those red ropey liquorish things.  Gross.  What are they called?  Vines, or some shit like that?  I bet I’ll hear from every single one of you that loves them but to me, liquorish should be black as God intended.  Speaking of God, he must have been asleep today because Auburn beat Alabama.  That is just awful.  I can’t stand Auburn.  I was an Auburn fan for about a minute when I was a kid.  I’m ashamed to admit it now.  But I admit everything to y’all.  I even had my mom paint my room orange and blue and had all kinds of Auburn shit hanging everywhere.  But I saw the error of my ways and became an Alabama fan long before I ended up going to school there.  I was already an Alabama fan when Bear Bryant got his 315th win to make him the winningest (not a real word) coach in football history up that time.  Now it’s John Gagliardi.  So?  The Bear’s still the greatest.  And I don’t care to hear from all you Holtz and Paterno fans.  I get it.  To each his own.  I bleed Crimson and always will.  Because of Auburn’s win today, the whole state of Alabama is bound to see draught and pestilence for an entire year until the next Iron Bowl when the pillars of existence can be righted.  My brother played at Alabama.  In fact his first year there was 1992 when we were national champions.  I was there.  Sugar Bowl. New Year’s Day. We beat Miami.  It was incredible.  I’d gone back to school by then so I was actually at Bama at the same time.  How great it was to travel to all those games.  Because I’m big, when the team would go somewhere like Sea World or whatever when they were traveling, I’d just walk with the pack and they’d think I was just another player.  I was really poor in those days too and was trying to commute back and forth from my parents’ house and hour away from campus so most nights I just ended up sleeping in the floor of my brother’s dorm room at the athletic dorm.  Good times.  My brother ended up marrying an Auburn fan and in fact her whole family is made up of Auburn fans.  Plus they are supportive of one of the local boys that doesn’t have much family and is playing at Auburn so my brother actually goes to some of the game and has some Auburn shit he wears.  Can you believe that?  He’s a bigger man than me.  (My sister-in-law will kill me if she reads this blog.)  The bad side effect of this mixed marriage is that now my brother’s daughters are running around in orange and blue and shouting “war eagle” all the time.  I tell you we are living in the last days.  After today’s disheartening defeat, all I can do is set my sites on tomorrow’s game.  Go Utes!  I hope they beat the bejesus out of BYU.

So, yeah, I regret eating that shit at the theatre tonight.  I haven’t thought up my punishment yet but I promise it will be appropriately horrible. I think some blood should be shed.  And I’m not just confessing, I’m going to repent as well.  No more eating shitty foods! When I take that stage in New York in April, I want to bring the best me I can possibly bring mind, body and spirit.  That will require focus and discipline on all fronts.  I’ve made a new friend at Crossfit and he’s sort of become the image of my physical goals.  He’s two inches shorter than me and four years younger than me but man is he yoked up.  That man is fit, boy!  He’s about 245 lbs and probably has less than ten percent body fat on him.  (I actually don’t like the way guys and gals look when it gets much lower than that.  That whole skint frog look… you can keep it.)  But this guy looks great.  We ran an obstacle course today for our “post-turkey workout” (or in my case “post tofurky”).  I asked him if we could take a picture after our workout just so I could use it in my goal setting.  To tell you the truth, I felt a little weird asking.  I didn’t know how he would feel about it.  He’s a good Mormon feller and everybody at Crossfit knows that Adam and I are married.  I was afraid he’d think I was perving on him.  (Old programming dies hard.)  In fact, he was majorly cool about it.  He’s a very cool guy, nice and friendly.  There are a lot of good Mormons out there.  The bad ones get the press.  Kinda the same with us queer folk.  So, I got my picture showing me where I am now and where I want to be… and no you can’t see it.  Not until I have the “after” picture to go with it.  God, how vain am I?  I bet that lady who wrote me and said “You could be so much more relevant” is really going to nail me for this one.  I’ll go back to writing with more profundity tomorrow.  I’ve needed a little break from the heavy, you know?

Nite, nite.  I got to get my rest for tomorrow morning’s workout.  I’m a man on a mission now.

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