How I Met Adam, Part 1

One of my readers recently  asked me how Adam and I met.  I’ve decided to give it to you episodically.  Here’s the first part:


Talk about your “Gays of Our Lives” story lines!  I’ll give you the Reader’s Digest condensed version, and even that is not so condensed.   Deep breath….

About the time I was doing the play in LA, I met a guy on (don’t laugh…too late I know).  That guy’s name is Hank.  (pictured with me in the above photo.) Hank is a sexy dude; 6’3″, corn-fed and masculine but sensitive… and smart, very smart!  He came to see the play and we went out a couple of times.   Hank is really an awesome guy but I wasn’t feeling the romance thing so I said, “Look, I know this sounds cliché but I would really like it if we could be friends still.   You’re a really awesome guy.”  Hank said, “Well, I’m not ready to define it yet.  Let’s just see what happens.”   Having had a stalker shortly before that (one of the scariest things you can go through) I had to err on the side of hurting his feelings.  I said, “Look, I am ready to define it and I am defining it as friendship.  If you’re good with that, we can roll with it but if there’s going to be any residual trying-to-make-it-a-romance stuff; we need to just part ways.”   The stalker situation had ended up in court with all kinds of other nastiness so I wasn’t about to go there again and although Hank seemed nothing like the stalker (in fact he is nothing like the stalker), the stalker had seemed pretty normal at first too.  Hank said that he’d rather have me as a friend than to not be around me at all and so we embarked on a fine friendship.   Hank is one of the coolest guys I’ve ever met.  As a sort of side-story, and to make a profound statement about Hanks tenacious character, let me tell you a little more about him.   When Hank was about thirty years old, he had still not gone through puberty.  Even though he was a tall guy, in many other ways his body had just not developed and he had no sexual desires…for men or women.   When he talked to his doctors over the years, they would just say, “Some people are just late bloomers.”  Hank would come away thinking, “Yeah, but how late?!”   When the testosterone patch came to be used as an anti-wasting tool for people with HIV, Hank stumbled across an ad for one some gay magazine.  Hank is negative but he took the magazine into his doctor’s office, threw it on the desk and said, “I want that!”  The doctor said, “Well, we’ll have to do some tests to see if you’re even deficient in testosterone and if so, why.”   They did in fact do tests including an MRI when they discovered a golf ball sized tumor in close proximity to his pituitary gland.  This was what had precluded his body’s ability to do what it does when most young men go through puberty.   Hank went through a very painful surgery along with a lot of other treatments and, lo and behold, at the age of thirty, he went through puberty!  His body developed all the secondary sexual characteristics.  His voice got deeper.  He grew a lot more body hair and things got, well, bigger!   And he realized that he was gay.  Now I have never really been able to believe guys who say, “I realized that I was gay” in their adult years.   Women maybe, I don’t know what it’s like to be a women, but men…uh, uh.  Guys think about sex about every two seconds throughout the teen years and I always figured if some dude “realized” he was gay as an adult, he to really not be paying attention throughout his teens!  I think that they must know it, but because our society is so sick around the subject of homosexuality, they must just want it not to be the case, that they are able to deny it to differing degrees, depending on the guy.  Some of them (including me) even have sex with women.   (I guess this is something like straight guys’ experimentation with other guys.)  Some of them (not me, thank God) go on to marry women!  These are the poor bastards that end up getting busted in city parks, airport bathrooms (sorry Senator) and who spend as much time in the locker room at the gym as they do working out!  But in Hank’s case, it made sense; so after the surgery and the treatments, Hank realized that he just didn’t like guys, he liked guys!   So I tell you all this, not just share some of Hank’s most personal experiences (he shares them freely with anyone who asks), but to give you a little insight into the incredible character that comes with weathering great storms that my buddy Hank has.   I love him like crazy and he loves me too.  That might not seem so crazy at this point in the story but just wait!   Because the tumor is so close to the carotid arteries, they were not able to take it all and there will probably have to be more surgeries.  We’ll stick with him through it.   This isn’t the only big struggle Hank’s had to face in his life but I’ll do him the respect of allowing him to tell his own story beyond what I’ve already said.   Suffice it to say that he is one of the most resilient, good-hearted, never-give-up people I have ever met.  He has a true warrior’s heart.

Talk to you tomorrow.


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