Obama is Going to Take Your Guns


Yesterday I was getting a massage. Nothing’s better than forking out some cash so the person paid to relax you can stand over you and talk politics. (Thanks for the crick in my neck, by the way.) To look on the bright side,  I did learn a new reason why I shouldn’t vote for Barack Obama.  Well, actually it’s an old reason but I’ll admit I haven’t heard it in a while. Maybe that’s because, unlike some of my liberal (masochistic), friends that like to surf conservative talk radio I try to listen to sane opposition to my points of view (when I can find them) and stay away from the obvious propaganda paid for by the American Aristocracy and lapped up by the American Serfdom. Why is it that I should cast my vote to the other side of the ticket this time? Because Obama is going to take my guns!

That’s right, ‘might as well pile up and put them by the front door because the UN (you heard me right) is coming to collect my guns and there’s absolutely nothing I can do to stop them if Obama is in the white house come February. “Haven’t [I] heard about the hundreds of thousands of 40 cal rounds currently being distributed the Department of Homeland Security? What do you suppose those are for?!”

Now let me tell you something. Theoretically the POTUS and her or his administration is a third of our federal government. BUT can I please tell you that even with a congress that’s not hell bent on road blocking everything an administration tries to do and a somewhat balanced Supreme Court, it would be pretty hard for any president, GOP, Dem or whatever to act as unilaterally as my massage guy would suggest. I know you’re all already lining up to shout out your short list of names you consider the exceptions but I assure you, whomever you think sat in the oval office and single handedly ruined the nation, the hands that were actually pulling the strings belong to people whose names you’ll never know. I’m off track. Where was I? Oh right, that gun-snatching Obama.

This is why “Obama is going to use the UN to take our guns” is just about the stupidest reason to keep emptying your pockets to help pay somebody else’s next yacht payment: I have watched, over the course of my lifetime, Americans surrender one right after another with barely a raised eyebrow. If you had told the people I grew up with that the government was going to listen in on people’s phone calls, there would have been an armed uprising. Now, the most you’ll get out of people is a mumbled, “I ain’t no terrorist, why should I worry?” The last time I flew with my eight year-old cousin and I refused to let him put him in the “naked machine,”(creepy) they subjected us to a “pat down.” The TSA dude was about a half a second from doing what would be a crime five minutes after he gets off work when he said, “I’m just going to use the back of my hand to…” I didn’t need him to finish the sentence. I said, “If you touch his dick the best you can hope for is that I’ll have you arrested.” The “pat down” was over and we boarded our plane. All this being said, and as much as I have lost faith in the American people to defend their own rights, I have ultimate faith in the American people to defend their 2nd Amendment rights.   Besides… “the UN?” are you  frickin’ kidding me? Ask any Marine if she or he thinks that the debacles in the Middle East should be have been handed off to the UN. You know what you’ll get? “What, you mean our trade our sand helmets for blue ones?” That’s right, who’s the muscle behind the UN? ‘at’s right. So picture this: Obama’s finally gotten his way and he’s sending the UN to Tennessee to get your huntin’ rifle. That means a bunch ‘o Tennessee boys that joined Uncle Sam’s gun club to do their patriotic duty are going to show up at their own door to take away the guns that they’re counting on being right in the gun rack where they left them when they left for Afghanistan. You’ve got to be out of your mind.

So thanks for the crick in my neck Mr. Massage guy and thanks for letting me see one more time why the working class and poor folk of the country (that I still love, God help me) just seem hell-bent on voting against their best interest. Congratulations on finding a right that you’re actually willing to stand up for and congratulations on keeping the death grip on your assault rifle. You’re going to need it when the knock finally comes at your door. But it won’t be Obama knocking. It will be the inescapable ramifications of your inability and unwillingness to critically think through the vitriolic and histrionic sound bite handed to you today but someone dumber than you.

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