An Organized Plan of Attack, Part IV


Today, I set out to start to discover what my goals are so that I can begin focusing more on what I do want in my life rather than on what I don’t.

I am setting the timer for ten minutes. I pray that whatever force created me will allow me to be honest and to let the words flow from my heart and not my mind. The first category is…

  1. Emotional, Spiritual, Psychological

I want to live free of depression and anxiety. To operate from a calm center and let my lion roar when necessary to protect the children. I want to worship my creator and do good for my fellow travelers. I want to help people. I want to be true to my spiritual path. I want to stand firm in the face of adversity. I want to stand up for what is right even when to do so is not popular. I want to be an instrument for healing. I want to depend on God to help me when others hurt me. I want to let my life be a living testament to how someone can overcome rough times and go on to live a happy life. (I’m also willing for my roughest times to be behind me.) I want my career to come from a spiritual place. I want to feel sane. I want to help others to heal from psychological and emotional pain. I want to be happy. I want to handle problems with grace and dignity… or maybe I want to just broadcast my most embarrassing shit all over the Internet. I want to help others be happy. I want to live free from addiction and help others live free from addiction. I want to live in a healthy relationship to the events of my past and help others who struggle with addiction and PTSD. I want to redefine the way the world looks at these issues. I want to make the world a better place through my art– writing, acting, directing, and producing. I want to trust God. I want to let go of resentment and paralyzing fear. I want to honor the ways of the Native Peoples of this land, making use of what resonates with me and letting go of the rest. In fact, I want to do that with all religions or philosophies. I want to glean the wisdom of many traditions. I want to see where religious people are right. I want to resolve conflicts nonviolently and when I am wrong, promptly admit it. I want to be a wise elder to queer kids. I want to help people understand how persecution harms queer people and I want to be a leader in the constant evolution to a better way of life for all of us. I want to save the world. I want to end war. I want to make people laugh. I want to honor my body as a gift from God and take care of it so that it will be a holy temple in which my spirit can reside. I want to be CONFIDENT. To let go of codependency. To help others when I can and to take care of myself too. I want to share what I have learned and let my experience benefit others. I want to continue to grow spiritually. I want to let go of the past without forgetting its lessons. I want to share the details of my past when it can benefit others. I want my spiritual life to drive all other aspects of my life. I want to let go of Adam. I want to forgive everyone for everything and I want to live free.

Now I’ll set the timer for ten minutes again and find out what’s in there with regard to this next category.

  1. Health and Fitness

I want a body that works! I want to live free of chronic pain. I want to get in the best shape of my life. To love what I see in the mirror when I’m naked. I want perfect sexual health. To be great at CrossFit and look like a bodybuilder or a MMA fighter or a gladiator. I want to weigh 250 lbs with 15% body fat. I want big powerful muscles. I want to attract a sexy mate. I want to live free of unhealthy habits. I want to inspire others to fitness. I want to eat in a way that is not cruel to animals. I want to get my teeth fixed including having all my fillings replaced with white ones. I want to get those spider veins in my nose fixed. I want to find out what’s wrong with my ankle and heel and get that shit fixed! I want to rock climb and mountain bike and hike and surf and scuba dive and sky dive and camp and canoe and kayak and water ski and snow ski and snowboard and swim and skateboard and CrossFit and rappel and look as fit as I am. I want healthy skin and healthy hair. I want to allow my body enough rest. I want to meditate and do what’s necessary to keep my biochemistry calm and centered. I want more tattoos. I want to fell SEXY. I…. wow, I…. I want to get regular massage and chiropractic care. I want to have regular trips to the barber. I want to have regular manicure/pedicure. I want to eat foods that are healthy and full of life and let go of unhealthy fat, sugar, too much caffeine, NO drugs or alcohol including nicotine. If I eat an animal, I want to kill it. I am willing to eat an animal a close buddy of mine has killed. I’ll write him a poem. If it’s a woman, I’ll write her a poem. I want to live free of disease. To be able to do CrossFit workouts prescribed. I want to lift weights because I want to be big. Being big helps my little boy inside (laugh and I’ll kill you) to feel safe and it keeps me from getting into fights. I want to be an inspiration to others. I want white teeth. I want the whites of my eyes to be white. I want to look my age and look great and healthy for my age. I want to fuck like a 20 year old. I want a sexy ass, big shoulders and chest. I have absolutely no desire to run a marathon. I want a sexy beard and healthy hair. I want to be FLEXIBLE. I want to sleep well and have a healthy brain. I want to help other people to be fit and healthy as best as I can even if that’s just being a good example. With regard to health and fitness, I want to be the best me I can be.

Now I’ll set the timer for a third time and find out what I want with regard to…

III. Sex and Relationships

I want to live free of codependency. I want to be a good godfather to Cedar and a good Jeffie to Max. I want to be a good son. A good brother. A good uncle. A good friend. I want to learn to use my sacred “NO” when doing something would impair my ability to be of service in the long run or would compromise my wellbeing in the present. I want to set an example for others. I want to own my power and demand to be paid for what I do where appropriate. I want to stop trying to give from an empty bowl. I want a husband. I want to give up casual sex. I want to nurture the boy within. I want to share what I have learned to benefit others. I want to hunt for a husband in a healthy way instead of the way I have approached it in the past. I want a husband who I find SEXY AS FUCK. I want my husband to cherish me and accept my support and love without being threatened by it. I want a mate who I can trust who won’t lie to me. I want MONOGAMY. I want our relationship to be based in a spiritual commitment. I want 3 sons. I want a mutually supportive and symbiotic relationship with my partner. I want confidence and goodwill to define my work relationships; in fact I want that for all my relationships. I want to command respect. I want to let go of Adam.

Hmmm…. I didn’t use the whole ten minutes but I think that’s all I’ve got for now on sex and relationships. I guess I’ll loan that extra five minutes if I need to for…

  1. Career and Finance

I want to positively transform the consciousness of planet earth through my art and career. I want to make a shit-ton of money. Let’s start with $110K or more per month starting now and for the rest of my life. I want to live off 80% of my income this year, tithing 10% to where I’m spiritually fed and investing 10%. I want that percentage to shift by 10% annually until by 2020, I am living off 10% of my income and directing the rest to do good on the planet. AND I want to be clear about my finances. I want to live without incurring unsecured debt. I want to be “self-supporting through my own contributions.” I’ve fucking had it with being poor! I want to write 25 movies, 10 TV shows, 25 plays, 5 novels, 5 non-fiction, and a poetry and short story anthology– at least one. I want to act on stage and screen. I want to direct and produce. I want the Mehadi Foundation to grow and thrive providing help for Iraq and Afghanistan veterans in a multitude of ways, mostly through providing paid apprenticeships within the entertainment industry so that they can GET PAID for being creative rather than just going to another basket weaving weekend. I want to OWN a home in Manhattan and one in the country. I want to fix up Mamma’s house in the way I’ve envisioned it. I want to be able to greenlight my own projects with a phone call. I want my own production company. I want to be famous so people will listen to what I have to say and do what I want (yes, I’m laughing here– but sorta serious too) I want to take my mother to Scotland and pay for the whole thing. In fact, I want to treat my mom to a lot of nice things including travel and nice gifts. I want a Pulitzer and an Oscar and an Emmy and a Tony and a Grammy and a Peabody and fuck, while I’m at it, I want the Nobel Prize for literature! I want to share abundantly of what I have in the ways I am directed by God. I want NOT to feel guilty about my wealth and success.

Well, there’s the time. I sure didn’t have trouble filling that then minutes!

Tomorrow I’ll glean some specific goals from each category and set about seeing how all this might be possible.

Also, I appreciate your hanging out for a little bit longer blog post than usual. See you tomorrow I hope.

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