Into Action, Part III

So now I’ll start every day’s blog with an inventory from the day before on the daily action items check list.

DAILY CHECKLIST:
1) List ten things for which I am grateful EACH DAY? YES

2) Meditate ten minutes morning and evening? NO

3) Read spiritual literature for ten minutes each morning? NO

4) Ask someone each day what I can do to help them be happy? NO and I hate this one I’m changing it.

5) Go to at least three meetings per week where other people who are living in a better, healthier relationship to addiction and/or PTSD meet and talk about their experiences? NO but I only have to have three yeses per week on this one. This week I had one so far.
6) To look in the mirror each day (naked) and tell that guy I love him? Okay hang on. Dammit, I’m already in bed….okay YES

7) Go to CrossFit three times a week, every week? YES, CrossFit today

8) Lift weights three times a week, every week? I don’t want to write “NO” here because I lifted legs yesterday. My plan is to life every other day and CrossFit every other day, rest on Sunday.

9) Do a three month “reboot” program of total abstinence while I figure out what I want this area of my life to look like? NO, I haven’t started this. I jacked off twice today.

10) Spend thirty minutes each day doing Mobility WOD? NO, ten minutes tops today. gotta do better

11) Read Codependent No More? NO. It did come in the mail. I’ve read a few paragraphs but none today.

12) To include in my evening inventory, one time when I said “no” when I usually would have said yes just to please someone else? I can’t really think of a time today when I did that. This one’s kind of weak too as far as being measurable. I’m changing it too.

13) For now, be true to my reboot? again, NO. that’s why it smells like it does in my bedroom.

14) Make a list of everyone’s birthdays? NO and I hate this one as well. I’m changing it.

15) Pray for Adam Nelson daily? Ugh. Hang on. Okay, I did it. Very begrudgingly, but I did it. Every time money issues are up, I have a hard time not hating him because of all he stole from me. I’m afraid I’ll be praying for that piece of shit for a while.

16) Write for four hours each and every day. FUCK NO. NO. NO, I didn’t. (this makes me wish it was October 15, 2015)

17) Tithe 10% where I’m spiritually fed and invest 10% for the future. start now on every penny that comes in, no matter how large or small the amount. NO, I didn’t do this today because I didn’t have any income today. I’m going to have to think about how to quantify this one. I don’t want to write NO if no money comes in that day. I think I’ll start at the first of the month and say YES if I’m in tithing/investment integrity and NO if I’m out.

18) Start today and keep a record of every penny that comes in and every penny that goes out? NO, I didn’t do this today.

19) Write for four hours each day? I told you NO! I didn’t fucking do it. I’m a loser. Okay, there’s no reason for this action item to be on here twice. I’ll have to fix that.

20) Spend at least one hour each workday getting the website squared away, seeking funding, planning the future, and otherwise working toward the mission of the  Mehadi Foundation? NO, I didn’t do this one either. And there are SO many who need the help so badly. I’m a loser.

So obviously we have a problem here. And yes, I know I’m not a loser. Dick Cheney is a loser and he has enough money to fund the Mehadi Foundation for the rest of my life, produce all those as yet unwritten works of dramatic literature and– hmm. So is that what it comes down to? Money? Of course the crowd shouts, “No!” Root of all evil and all that… Rich man and the camel and the needle and all that… In fact all my programming around money is so fucked up, that has been the one consistent weight pulling me deep into the depths of exhausting depression for as long as I can remember.

I set this ridiculously high, pie-in-the sky goal for myself in that area, right? To make $110K or more per month starting now and for the rest of my life. (Judge away.) If I achieved this goal do you think I’d be worried about the lying thief practicing medicine on the Upper East Side because of all I did for him? Fuck no! I’d be goddamned glad to be rid of him.  But yet I obsess over how I got screwed over every single day because in the area of finance.

Here’s my delusion: if I could just get squared away in this one area,  I really do think the other things could fall into place. This process of saving my life ultimately has to be centered in my Spiritual Program.  So it’s time I took a good long look at finance.

For the next few days, I’ll be talking about money.

Here is the revised DAILY ACTION ITEM CHECKLIST:

1) List ten things for which I am grateful.

2) Meditate ten minutes morning and evening.

3) Read spiritual literature for ten minutes each morning.

4) Keep a record of every penny that came in and every penny that went out.

5) Work out (CrossFit or lift, Sunday is my off day).

6) Be true to my sexual reboot program.

7) 30 minutes of Mobility WOD (Google it if you don’t know what this is).

8) Pray for Adam Nelson.

9)  Tithe 10% where I’m spiritually fed and invest 10% for the future. start now on every penny that comes in, no matter how large or small the amount.

10) Write for four hours each and every day.

11)  Start today and keep a record of every penny that comes in and every penny that goes out.

12) Spend one hour per day working for the Mehadi Foundation.

WEEKLY ACTION ITEM:

1) Three support group meetings per week. (I’ll check in on this one every Sunday for the previous week.)

See y’all tomorrow.