Into Action, Part 4

Photo on 10-5-14 at 10.31 PM #2

I got a text message from a longtime friend today. At one time I would have said she knew me better than anyone in the world, perhaps even including myself. Here’s how the text exchange went down:

HER: Just read your 10-23 blog. Wow.

ME: I don’t know that blog what blog that was.

HER: Sorry 10-3

ME: Girl, haha! I don’t know what I had for lunch. I certainly don’t know which blogs said what

HER: You should read it. Frightening.

ME: No

HER: Chicken

ME: I’m prudent.

HER: Oh ok. Seems laughable almost for you to say that. Take your powers back homo. The hurt won’t stop until you do.

ME: I’m taking my power back. I’m doing it through the blog. Don’t talk to me about the blog.

HER: Not about the blog. About YOU!!! Fuck the blog!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I do not want to talk about the blog. The blog is doing its job. Work on your own shit.

I’m not going to post yesterday’s Action Item Checklist because, to tell you the truth, I don’t know how well I kept track yesterday. I spent the weekend in Auburn with my brother and his family and I was a little off schedule. Ha! “Off schedule.” As if! I am going to dive back in tomorrow morning and continue to experiment with this pomodoro time management technique thing. I really do think it can help. I’ve also been giving thought to the Action Item Checklist and my rate of success so far. I haven’t gone back and actually charted the first month. That might be a good idea. Or maybe not. I feel like on most days I was coming in at about 50%. Of course every single body I know would say that I’m using it to beat myself up. If I’ve heard “you’re too hard on yourself” once, I’ve heard it a thousand times. Actually, I’ve been pretty gentle with myself most days. When it comes down to it, I really do still believe that this is the way to see my goals come to fruition and you may call me delusional but if on September 1, 2015, even half of those goals have been reached, I’m sure I will not be sentencing myself to the gallows or the cannon.

But something did occur to me as I was driving toward Toomer’s Coffee Company this weekend. The Daily Action Item Checklist is something that seems difficult and that’s okay but I had quickly lost sight of why I’m wanting to do these things each day. I got lost in trying to gage my success based on how well I was attacking that list and forgot the really important list: my goals! I really think keeping my eye on the goals each day will also help me be more successful with the action items. The action items aren’t easy and I’m gaining new insights on why that is as well. But if I’m remembering why I’m doing these things, my guess is that it will be easier to do them.

So here’s my plan: In the morning ten minute mediation, I’m going to use that time to visualize the realization of my goals. Even if I don’t get through all of them, I’ll do as much as I can. I’m hoping this will feel good. Most of the stuff I’ve ever heard or read on this sort of thing says that it’s crucial to goal achievement anyway. So I went back to one of the earlier Into Action blogs and retrieved the twenty goals I decided to start with when I started this whole thing. They were already getting dusty. Is it no wonder that goals don’t get achieved if I’m only focusing on the “drudgery” of doing the things it take to obtain them? That’s another thing, I’m really going to have to figure out ways to direct my thinking about the Daily Action Items. Even though I half-jokingly used the word, I must make sure that they don’t feel like drudgery.

Another thing I’ve realized about myself when it comes to “disciplined” tasks is that, even when I am the one doing the “disciplining” (i.e. self-discipline),  I rebel against authority. This of course is worthy of its own blog if not its own book but one of the things I know for sure is how much I hate being forced to do something. This sounds of course like a simple case of someone who lacks self-discipline but I think there’s more to the story. Every single time a person or an organization has been put in charge of me and told me what I was supposed to do, I ended up getting hurt bad– my parents, the church, the government, the Marine Corps– I even ended up making Adam (the ex husband) my authority and we all know how badly he hurt me! Well, actually we all don’t know how badly he hurt me but you will before it’s over. Anyway, the point is that anytime I figure out what it is that I’m “supposed to do,” even if it is in service to something I want to see happen, my natural inclination is to rebel. The way I’m going to have to hit the override button on this programming is to constantly remind myself that I am doing these Action Items of my own volition in service to goals that I set out. I also have to, as much as possible along the way, make them as fun as they can be. I like to have fun. The pomodoro technique is so far helping to make the fun things more fun and the un-fun things more manageable.

So, again, instead of the Daily Action Item Checklist, I’m going to list the twenty goals which they are designed to bring into manifestation. About once a week, I’d like to return to the Into Action series of blogs and touch base on my progress and I’m learning about the process. Here are the goals:

I. Emotional, Spiritual, Psychological
1. To live free of depression

2. To live free of anxiety

3. To be true to my spiritual path

4. To be happy

5. To help people who suffer from PTSD and/or addiction

II. Health and Fitness
1. To love what I see in the mirror when I’m naked.

2. To be great at CrossFit

3. To look like MMA fighter… or a gladiator… or an NFL quarterback

4. Perfect sexual health

5. A body that serves me well in what I endeavor to do

III. Sex and Relationships
1. To live free of codependency

2. To use my sacred “NO” when doing something would impair my ability to be of service in the long run or would compromise my wellbeing in the present.

3. The right and perfect husband for me.

4. Be a good son, brother, uncle, etc.

5. To let go of Adam.

IV. Career and Finance
1. $110K or more per month starting now and for the rest of my life.

2. To live off 80% of my income this year, tithing 10% to where I’m spiritually fed and investing 10%. I want that percentage to shift by 10% annually until by 2020, to be living off 10% of my income and directing the rest to do good on the planet.

3. To be clear about my finances!

4. To write 25 movies, 10 TV shows, 25 plays, 5 novels, 5 non-fiction, and a poetry and short story anthology.

5. The Mehadi Foundation to grow and thrive providing help for Iraq and Afghanistan veterans in a multitude of ways, mostly through providing paid apprenticeships within the entertainment industry so that they can GET PAID for being creative and also to teach reliable and valid pure peer support techniques to this population of veterans.

See y’all tomorrow.

About this entry