Give Back What’s Not Yours

Photo on 11-6-14 at 1.23 PM

I got up really early this morning because I like to get up early. I never use an alarm anymore yet I wake up before sunrise. I love the feeling of potential that comes from watching the sun rise and knowing that I’ve already been productive. Even if it’s only Morning Pages and some yoga as it was this morning, I like that I’m “up and at ‘em” instead of lying up in the bed. There were so many years I would have slept passed noon if I could. Those were the drinking years.

This morning, I went to hear a woman give a talk on how to run your business based on spiritual principles. All artists are business owners. We are our business. As the head of the Mehadi Foundation, I also operate a “business” in that way although the business of that business is helping to save veteran’s lives. We’re getting back on track with the foundation after my absence which was due to my dealing with Dad’s illness and death, grieving the loss of my marriage, and facing my own PTSD/depression issues. I’m feeling much better now and the blog is definitely helping. Being able to dump a lot of secrets and surrender responsibility for a lot of abuse that happened to me has been quite liberating. I would highly recommend it if you’ve been carrying the secrets for your abusers. You were the one who was hurt. It doesn’t make sense to continue to let them hurt you by carrying the emotional burden of their actions yourself. Give it back. It was their actions. It’s their problem. The only time I’m at fault with regard to past abuse directed my way is if I continue to let them hurt me by stepping in (understudying) for the perpetrators myself.

The woman I went to hear speak said a lot of great things with regard to handling money and a business in according to spiritual principles— the biggest thing I took away was when she said (and I have to paraphrase) when she makes a conscious effort to think positively and say positive things to herself, it has often not felt “true” because all of the negative things she believed about herself did feel so true! Boy, did that make sense to me!

I’m starting to tell myself more positive things based on reality instead of standing in for the abusers of my past. And therefore shit’s starting to change. Thanks for letting me vent and tell my truth. Your bearing witness to my process has given me the courage to do some painful (and not always pretty) work.

See y’all tomorrow.

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