One Day Bleeds Over Into the Next

Today was so full it slipped into the next one.

After having gone to bed feeling like I had the flu, I woke this morning feeling (mostly) all better. My body is so resilient it pretty much pops right back if I’ll just give it a little rest. I’m lucky like that because Lord knows, for a very long time now, I have expected a whole lot of my body. That’s okay. I never wanted to go to my grave with an unused body. I wan’t to come screeching sideways across the finish line with the wheels on fire. I’ve pretty much always been like that.

I didn’t do morning pages this morning which is rare for me. I haven’t missed that many days in several years. I have a suitcase filled with moleskin journals which are in turn filled with my insanity. I treasure pretty much above any other material possession I have (and I frickin’ love my Ducati). Anytime I say I “love” any material thing, I can hear my father’s voice say, “Love not the world, neither the things in this world. If any man loveth the world, the love of The Father is not in him.” We heard it a lot around Christmas time when someone in the family would open a present and say, “Oh I love it!”

I got up this morning and went to the gym with my longtime buddy Spanky aka “Hank” (John Patrick Henry) and his boyfriend Nathan. It was nice to sling weights around with a couple of homos again. It’s been a while since I did that. I lifted a few times with the cameraman since I’ve been in LA but I don’t want to talk about that because I’ll be sad. I feel for him pretty hard and fast but certain things let me know he wasn’t “the one” so I had to cut him loose early. I consider it growth. The last one I kept around for nearly eight years. Those are eight years I can never get back. Tonight made me feel better about being single though. I met this couple who were content to let me join their little family for the night and, well, I’ll just say they were very good sports and leave it at that.

Before that, I went with Scotch Ellis Loring and Russell Dague to a screening of I Was a Jewish Sex Worker at the Billy Wilder Theater in Westwood. I’m not sure why but I didn’t have high expectations for the film which is good. Few films can meet up to my high expectations when that happens. This movie on the other hand exceeded mine and I was quite touched by it. I’m still processing some of it— especially the stuff around the filmmaker/protagonists’ family and childhood and the parts about his being a sex worker (thus the title). I was a sex worker for a while in my thirties in LA and— well, boy could I write a book about that! I think it might be better as a movie now that I think about it and now that I’m considering spending more time in LA (I’ve added “bicoastal” to my goal list although at first I’ll be spending most of my time in one or the other).

Last night my good friend Luke Denton sent me a text from New York. It said “I’m at a bar with my girlfriend and its awful!” I texted back, “Oh come on, I’ve met your girlfriend, she’s nice.” He text-laughed which reminded me that that is one of the reasons I love him so much— he gets my humor and often without my explanation. Angelenos are such literalists. Satire complete goes right over the head of a lot of the people I grace with it. New Yorkers are also friendlier. That being said, LA is a lot more laid back and its not as hard a city to live in as New York. New York definitely has more of an edge but I’m also at a point in my life where I kind of crave that. When Luke asked what I was doing in LA, I told him I was considering moving back out here. He just texted, “Fuck no. We need your plays on Broadway. Get your ass back up here.” Either you get the beauty of that text or not. It definitely made me feel wanted and loved back in Brooklyn— in that uniquely NYC sort of way.

My LA friends have certainly made it clear that I’d be most welcome back out here as well. Especially Kit Winter and Scotch who, in addition to sending me a first class ticket to entice me to come out, have pretty much treated me like a king the whole time I’ve been here. I know I could be happy living in LA again. “More shall be revealed” as they say.

Well, my eyes are starting to bleed I’m so tired. Ima shut down this machine and go to bed. I’ve definitely been “burning it at both ends” for the past few days. I think part of me is trying to stuff as much into the last couple of days as I can. I go back to Alabama on Tuesday. Then I’ll just have to decide where I’m headed next. I will be praying for God to show me the right choice. Or make it financially possible for me to live in both places.

I love y’all. I appreciate y’all. I thank you for your prayer and support and for sticking with me through all this. I know at times I sound crazy. If you just hang in there with me, I promise the ending is epic. “It all turns out fine in the end. If it’s not fine now, it’s not the end.”

See y’all tomorrow.