Last Night in LA (For a While Anyway)

Photo on 11-6-14 at 1.26 PM #2

Here are my revised goals as of November 2, 2014:

1.I am bicoastal. I have beautiful residences that I love in both LA and NYC.

2.I weight 260 lbs and have 15% body fat.

3.I lift or do CrossFit six days per week.

4.I write for four hours every day.

5.I have written 25 movies, 10 TV shows, 25 plays, 5 novels, 5 non-fiction books, a book of poetry and a short story anthology.

6.I am married to the man of my dreams.

7.We have three sons.

8.I make $110K or more every month.

9.I live off 10% of my income and direct the rest to do good on the planet.

10.I head a very successful non-profit that helps Iraq and Afghanistan veterans. We teach Pure Peer Support techniques, host weekend retreats, sponsor creativity workshops, and offer paid internships in the entertainment industry to Iraq and Afghanistan veterans helping them to find work that fulfills them and sustains them financially. It has  big, beautiful workspaces and headquarters in New York City and LA.

Here again is my Life Mission:

I co-create a world of Excitement, Wonder, Magic, and Mystery to positively transform the consciousness of Planet Earth in a good way by unleashing the Powerful Warrior Poet who lives inside me.

My Life Affirmation:

As a Queer Poet among the masses, I am powerful! 

I’ve gotten into a “bad” habit since I’ve been in LA of waiting to do the blog at the end of the day (which, in some cases, has actually happened passed midnight and so technically the next). Today, I’m starting with the blog. I even bailed on morning pages. No, I don’t want to do that. Hang on.

(12 hours pass)

Well, there it was. My last day in LA for a while. My plane doesn’t leave until tomorrow afternoon so actually I can enjoy just a little more of the city (and its people) before I have to leave. I say “people” but I could have as easily said “men” because, as I realized at dinner, with the exception of my friends’ nannies and housekeepers, and a few brief introductions here and there, my three weeks in LA has been filled with associating with men only. And thinking back (with a few wonderful exceptions) I was friends with mostly men when I lived here for that ten years— and with another few wonderful exceptions, mostly gay white men. That is not my life in New York. Half my friends are women and more than half my friends are not white. I crave diversity. I have no desire to ghettoize myself and not to be engulfed in the rich beauty and strength that the women in my life bring and being around only white people, well that just scares me.  Even if I did move back to LA, things would have to be different this time around. And they would be. I’m a different man now after all. And let me repeat it, there were grateful exceptions when I lived here before. Four of them are interviewed in the movie.

I was supposed to come to LA for a week. As soon as I was here, my friends were encouraging me to extend my stay. That felt so good! This trip has done a lot of wonderful things for me (thanks Kit and Scotch!) and one of them has been to remind me that I have this whole network of wildly supportive friends (like family) on the “left coast” who love and support me and will always help me make a home here if I want it. I expect that I’ll be spending a lot more time in LA over the coming years.

Another one has been acting like a horny teenager and chasing after boys left and right. That has not been my life for many years but I have no retreats about this trip. I was judging myself harshly about it but then I realized out undesirable and not sexy I had come to feel while I was “married” to Adam. It may not be the healthiest approach to contradicting that message but having all these hotties be so “hospitable” has made it impossible for me to stick with the story that I had told myself by the time my “marriage” ended. And let me hasten to add— Adam did nothing to me that I didn’t allow. Now I am moving on.

About a week into my trip here, I really thought I’d decided to move back to LA. There’s certainly a lot to love about sunny Southern California and although it always mentioned first, there’s a lot more here than beautiful weather. There’s a reason they call it “The City of Angels.” But I pray a prayer everyday that sort of formally— no, not “sort of,” that formally turns my will and my life over the care of God as I understand God to be (and the huge part of that that is still mystery— and I’m okay with that), so if I have turned all this over to God, it’s just my job to do the footwork as it’s revealed to me. And what has been revealed to me right now is that it’s time for me to go back to New York. New York is my city. It’s the place that fits for this part of my life. I love and miss it so— right down to the dirty, rat infested subways. I can’t wait to smell it again!

I had set my “leave Alabama” date in December but now I have realized how silly that would be to miss the opportunity to be with my Alabama family for the holidays. I’ll go back to NYC right after the first of the year. It just feels like it’s the right decision. I’m following the “God voice” within my heart. I now have two plays that are ready for first readings and I’m halfway through a screenplay. The blog has built writing momentum for which I am very grateful. Part of that gratitude is toward you, my readers who have been coming along on this bumpy ride since the beginning. You are very important to me. I hope you know that. I appreciate the words of encouragement. I appreciate the helpful suggestions. I hate the advice. And I love you no matter what.

That being said, this is my last night in LA and I’m suspicious there might be one or two hot guys in this town who’ve not had the pleasure of making my acquaintance. I better get out there and try to find them. Try not to judge me too harshly. After all I’m just an ole country boy tryin’ to make his way in this world. God loves the sinners too.

See y’all tomorrow.

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