One Huge Step in Faith

Okay, I’ve bought the ticket— a one-way ticket to New York City for December 29. I’m grateful for having been able to be of service to my family this year but it’s now time for me to get on with the business of why I came to this planet. I’ve got a world to change and people to help. I love my Alabama family and the friends I have here but this is not my home anymore. “A prophet is not welcome in his own land” and any good I can do for the oppressed people of Alabama, I’ll have to do from afar.

Three weeks ago I was ready to move back to LA. All indicators seemed to be pointing in that direction. But while I was there, having a great time, surrounded by people who love me (and a lot of hot men), in all the beauty that is Southern California, I prayed for guidance and it came as it always does— immediately. “Go back to New York.” The answer was as clear as if it was written in the sky. My heart is in New York. It’s time for me to follow my heart there so I can then share it with the world.

I have no idea how this is supposed to happen. I’m going there with no money, a small monthly disability check for PTSD from the VA, a hundred thousand dollars in debt, and with a willingness to fulfill this lifelong dream of mine no matter what it takes. I’m strong. I’m willing to work. I don’t need a mansion to feel like I’m a worthy and worthwhile person. I’m talented. I have two plays ready for their first readings and I’m halfway through a screenplay. I’m a Drama Desk nominated actor and that alone would likely at least get me in the door of most agencies in New York City. Mostly, I have the Power of the Love of my Creator behind me. How could I have come this far, through all I have, to fail now. It just wouldn’t make for a very good story.

I have 29 more days to get ready. I have some things I can sell but I’ve never really been good at that. Maybe I can reach out for some support in that way. Mostly I have to prepare myself mentally and spiritually. I’m afraid. But fear killed a lot more dreams than failure ever did. I won’t let the oppressors of my past deny me of the beauty of my future.  New York is something Adam can’t steal from me. All the things my heart has revealed to me as my Divine Desires (aka my goals) are not only possible but probably— hell, even unavoidable if I’ll just get out of the way, suit up and show up, and trust.

Dear God, I forgive the people who have consciously or unconsciously hurt me in the past. I bless them and I release them. I don’t want to let them hurt me anymore. I want to help other people who have been hurt and I can’t do that by continually focusing on the wrongs others have perpetrated on me. When I realize my goals, none of that shit will be important to me anymore except as fodder for literature. God, help me keep the drama on the page and for your sake help me to start to get paid for what I’m good at. I can’t keep anyone from starving by starving. Relieve me of the bondage of self so that I can better do your will and so that my overcoming can be a beacon of hope for others who have struggled. Thy will be done. I used my Southwest credit to book a one-way ticket to New York. I’m willing to do the work but you, Creator, are in charge. I will see this dream come to fruition or I will die trying. If that’s what happens it can only be said that that was your will.

God, and the rest of you.

See y’all tomorrow.