Details About My New York City Apartment

Okay I’m going to type this quickly so I can hopefully stay out of my head about it and not worry about your judgement. Can you believe that? I’m actually surprised by it myself. You would expect that someone who lives his life like I do and is so very public about it would not give a shit about what anybody thinks. I would think that even. But apparently there are some residual ramifications still from the incredible amount of judgement heaped on me during the developmental stages (and beyond that) of my life and so— as they say— it is what it is. I’ll march forward anyway. I’ll continue this “uncover, discover, and discard” process until I’m living at greater and greater levels of freedom. “This is a process and not an event.”

What I want to write about tonight is the New York living space I want to create. It’s goal number one on my list of ten goals I’m working on.

One sort of side note: You know I believe in the “Law of Attraction” and Metaphysics and The Course in Miracles (although in truth I’ve never read it) and all that other Science of Mind-y kind of stuff— y’know, Oprah spirituality. “New Age” or “New Thought, Ancient Wisdom” some people call it. Basically that I believe God gave me power to co-create my experience by directing my thoughts and working in concert with Divine Mind. That must be jaw-dropping to a lot of you given how I have come from such a “low vibration” in a lot of these blogs. I’m trusting the process. And something in me needed to “come out” about some things— for my own survival— and I don’t yet fully understand that either— when I know what I’m “supposed” to do is say “they were doing the best they could do at the time and only hurt people hurt people and I pray for their greatest blessings” and then walk forward into the “Sunlight of the Spirit” with great ease and little effort. But that’s not been how it’s gone down. I’ve apparently needed to “vent.” I went many years without saying “ouch” when I got hurt. After somebody’s been held underwater for a while, the first few minutes topside are usually gasps. I’ll breathe regularly and normally soon. Maybe even meditatively.

BUT, I gave my will and my life over to the care of my Creator, and so I have to trust this, too, is all on purpose and on time. It’s all part of the process. I trust God. Even if I fail miserably and die facedown in a gutter on the Lower East Side with a heroine needle in my arm, maybe that was part of the Big Plan and others might learn and benefit and have wonderful happy lives from not following in my footsteps. That’s one possibility. Not really the one I’m hoping for— but if even a handful of people who were otherwise going to meet their end in that way and ended not doing so because they got to watch me walk into the fire by doing and thinking and believing all the wrong shit— I’m willing to give my life for them. I wouldn’t feel so bad about that. Jesus gave his life so that others might have life and have it more abundantly. I like Jesus. I’d like to be more like Jesus. Especially the part about throwing the money changers out of the temple. That was pretty badass. I know a lot of people have different ideas about who Jesus was or (for some) if he even existed. To me he died to resurrect. The resurrection is the important part of the story in my personal relationship with him. I’d die to help others. That’s cool. And I’ll resurrect and live forever if my experience can benefit others beyond my own physical death. Writing is another way to live forever. That’s cool too.

If I had my druthers, I’d like to help other people by showing how someone can be down (even very down) and go on to succeed wildly. Either way, I do want my life’s purpose to be service.

Wait a minute, I’m down the spiritual rabbit hole. I want to talk about my New York apartment. And I want the blog to not take a long time to write tonight because I want to get back to my script (last pass on Lilac and Liquor before I start sending it out and planning a first reading).

Why did I start talking about spirituality when I really want to create my New York apartment? Well, for one, there is no part of my life that my spiritual practice does not touch. God comes first in all of it. There’s nothing outside the Mind of God so all of it’s God anyway. But the reason I brought it up with regard to the apartment is to ask you please to not think about my New York apartment. Please just— when you find yourself thinking about my New York apartment— go watch some reruns of Friends or something and stop thinking about where I’m going to live— THAT IS, IF YOU CAN’T BELIEVE IT FOR ME AND WITH ME. Do you understand that? Does that make sense? As I’ve covered in a previous blog, I don’t think some of us have more faith than others. I believe we all have the same amount of faith and that is 100%. We all believe what we believe 100%. That doesn’t mean we can’t hold different thoughts, or can’t be “unsure” of something. That’s not what I’m saying. I’m just saying we all have 100% of “what we believe to be true” and that doesn’t really change in quantity. For example I could look back at times in my life when I believed that something was absolutely not possible for me and now I know that now those things are not only possible but became absolutely normalized for me. The Marine Corps helped me with that. CrossFit has helped me with that.  Sobriety has definitely helped me with that. What I believe is the important part is how I direct my faith. “Whether you think you can or you think that you can’t, you’re right.”  (Henry Ford) That is one way to demonstrate the principle I’m talking about. And I fully believe that “Whatsoever ye ask for believing, ye shall receive!” The thing is, I have to believe fully.

Now what does this have to do with you and you’re not thinking about my New York apartment? I believe that we are all in this together. And I believe in the power of our collective consciousness. I don’t believe there is really in loss, lack, or limitation in the Mind of God. (or for my most anti-spirituality friends “the totality of all reality”) I believe my job is to remove doubt, or more appropriately, have Creator remove the doubt for me because I do see doubt (faith in shitty outcomes) as a “character defect” and I have not had a lot of success in the past with removing my own character defects (or, if you like, “areas of opportunities for growth”).

BUT if you CAN believe that this is possible for me, if you believe in your own ability to pray or focus on or envision this place with me, I invite you to share in this creative process and let’s let Divine Mind bring into manifestation my right and perfect home in New York City right now! Here’s what it looks like:

Warehouse Apartment in Brooklyn facing the East Rive with a view of Manhattan. Close to the Subway and CitiBike. Close to the market. Laundry in the building. Easily accessible for my two dogs and welcoming to them and Dennis the Cat. Cavernous! Raw! Exposed concrete and brickwork— old and beautiful, lots of character. Modified for heating and cooling efficiency without loosing any of the charm of the original feel. Lots of natural light. Wood and/or concrete floors. A space for my motorcycle. Two bedrooms, two baths (Ron by buddy, also an Iraq vet is moving in with me in March). The bedrooms are cozy but spacious. The main living space is so open, we can use it as the base of operations for the Mehadi Foundation (at least for the next few months) and the place from which these next productions will have their genesis and lots of other post-911 vets get to come there and work on them with us. The space has a welcoming vibe. We’ll have poetry readings there and dinner parties and veterans’ talk circles.  It is quiet and serene like a meditation or yoga yurt when it needs to be and is filled with laughter and music when the party calls for that energy.

I’d like to own it, not rent. And I would like it to be made manifest quickly and easily.

“This or something greater in accordance with The Will of Heaven. Thank you, God. And so it is.”

If you can hold this vision with me, if you can believe this is absolutely “already here” and that it is about to be made clear how I can move in immediately, please jump on the Prayer Train.  Can you pray this for me? But if you doubt it, if what floods your mind is all the reasons this dream of mine (for me and the Mehadi Foundation) can not be made immediately manifest— please do not think about it. Don’t sit there doubting it, go watch a rerun of Friends. Either way, I thank you.

See y’all tomorrow.