Don’t Kill Yourself Over How to Spell Neitzsche (or similar solvable problems)


I wanted to start tonight’s blog post by talking about how I committed to write everyday between September 1, 2014 and September 1, 2015. The reason I wanted to talk about that was I wanted to say, “I don’t want to do it tonight but I’ve stuck with it so far and goddammit, I’m not going to stop now.” I got curious about how many days that’s been so far. In keeping with how we do things these days, I didn’t even to guess (much less calculate in my head) how many days that’s been, but rather I went right to an website that calculates such things for you. 135 days!

That means that I have written 135 blog posts during this “year to live.” Wow.

I ain’t gonna lie to you, today’s been a rough one. A part of the reason why is the same thing I’ve been whining about for years now—how hard it is for me to sit down and write. Today I came closer to just saying, “fuck it, I’ll go be something else” than I have in a really long time.

But I’ve written 135 blog posts since September. That’s something. I’m not going to kill myself or slam heroine tonight.

Something else good just happened. (I’m all about focusing on the positive these days. I’m reading a book by Joseph Murphy called The Power of Your Subconscious Mind. It’s sort of interesting how I came to read it. Makes me think there are forces “out there” conspiring for my good. Actually it doesn’t because it reminds me that the force is actually not “out there” but “in here.” I mean I don’t think that my own personal mind is the most powerful thing in the Universe but I do believe in that whole “God within” bit and I believe my subconscious mind (it’s called a lot of other things in other philosophies) is connect to Divine Mind or  if you prefer, “God.” To me, God is the driving creative force behind the whole universe (and possible multiverses) and I believe that I am connected to that force through my subconscious mind. One of the men who came to sit with me while Mom was in surgery recommended a book with a similar title but I couldn’t find that one when I went on to look for it. I did find this one though and it was only five bucks so I ordered it. I’ve since learned that the Kindle version is only 99 cents but, hey, I’m one of those stuck-in-the-stone-ages old timers who still prefers a “real” book. (I guess if I was actually stuck in the stone ages, I’d prefer real stone. You know what I meant.) I’m not averse to reading a book electronically. Maybe I’ll even move more in that direction. My impending move back to New York sure would be easier if my 1000 book library was all electronic. But what would happen to my signed copy of To Kill a Mockingbird? Some of my books will just have to stay in the physical plane. Where is “the cloud” anyway? I’m pretty sure it’s not in the clouds.

Oh, right! I started to tell you about something good that had just happened. So I recommended the book I just told you about to a friend who then went online to buy it. He’s very tech savvy so most everything he does is electronic. He saw that the book was also available in a “and Other Writings” version so he was nice enough to send me an electronic copy. He texted to let me know when I was in the middle of writing this blog so (I’m embarrassed to say) I was a little annoyed at being interrupted. I really should just turn off the phone when I’m writing. But I thought, “What the heck, how long can accepting a gift of an e book on Amazon take?” Three years later…  Nope. Just kidding. But indeed it did take a lot longer than I had wanted to invest in the acceptance of the gift and therefore, time away from working on the blog. I opened the email from Amazon that told me about his gift. I clicked on “accept gift” and it said “gift delivered.” I opened my Kindle app just to make sure that it made it there and guess what, it hadn’t. Now this is the point where I usually lose my mind. It can take me about a half a second– wait a minute– I’m trying to be more conscious about what I think and say– In the past it has taken me about a half a second to go from zero to rage when some “tech thing” doesn’t work for me. After my initial rage I would usually (see? like that? “would” not any more!) descend into a shame spiral of “I’m so stupid. Everybody knows all about all this tech shit but me.)

I texted my friend back and thanked him for the gift. Actually admitted to him that it seemed to have disappeared into the ethers which of course prompted him (tech genius that he is) to start making suggestions. Meanwhile, the blog is getting cold and I’m getting more resentful of the time all this is taking. I decided to just let it go. After all, as he reminded me, it only cost 99 cents. I started to start writing on the blog again. Then something made me stop. I said, “No, bro (meaning me)! You’re not going to let this kick your ass! So I dove back into the problem with a Marine’s determination.

After a long text conversation with someone named Gaya and then a longer text conversation with someone named Perianayaga, I was able to de-activate previous registrations of Kindle in my name (I didn’t even remember having an Android) and getting Kindle authorized on my new machine. Now the book my friend sent me tonight is on my machine.

It may not seem like a big deal to some of you, but not letting that problem kick my ass was the most important part. In a way, my friend gave me that gift too– so thank you twice friend.

Here’s how you remember how to spell Neitzche: He was a nihilist so start with the Russian word for no, “Neit.” Remember that Che (as in Guevera) was born after him so “che” comes at the end. Divide the two parts with a “z” which you knew was in there somewhere and you got it. Neit-z-che. You’re welcome. Oh wait, I left out the s. It comes after the z. So much for that. Good thing I sold my pistol and don’t know any heroine dealers around here.

By the way, Neitzsche and I share a birthday, October 15. Different years though.

See y’all tomorrow.

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