Back Home in Alabama

It’s 18:37 and I haven’t been awake that long. I got home from the airport about 08:30 this morning and feel right to sleep with Sydney, Willie, and Dennis in bed with me. I miss my furry kids so much when they’re not with me. I really expected I’d sleep on the plane (since I’d been up since 05:30 and skied all day yesterday) but I couldn’t get comfortable and basically only took little naps when the exhaustion would take over the discomfort. Who knew the flight from SLC to ATL was under three hours? I think my concept of US geography is a little katy-whompered.

I feel pretty disoriented having awakened at sundown. It reminds me of the old days, the drinking days. I always hated that feeling— when my days and nights got flipped. By the time I landed in Birmingham this morning, I was feeling pretty bad. By the time we drove the thirty minutes to the house, I had body aches, fever, and the chills. I’m soon going back to sleep. I want to wake up fully recovered in the morning.

The next “Symptom of Underearning” on the list my friend sent me is:

Misplaced Guilt or Shame. We feel uneasy when asking for or being given what we need or what we are owed. 

Boy, do I have that one covered! It’s that ridiculous? I mean why would I ever feel uncomfortable being given what I’m owed? Somewhere along the way I just got really fucked up around the concepts of money and deservedness. One of my greatest fears is asking for what I need. I have to get through this. I simply can’t go on living in the way I have. I know I have value and that what I have to offer the world is sufficient to make a reasonable living for myself. I’m just trying to take it slow and easy at this point, one little step at a time, having faith that if I stick with this recovery from underearning, it will work for me in the same way that recovery from alcoholism has.

See y’all tomorrow.