Exit X


X: Hey I thought you were going to—

JEFF: Don’t

X: What?

JEFF: Don’t even

X: Don’t even what?

JEFF: Don’t even try to give me shit about blogging this late when I said I was going to—

X: How did you know I was going to—

JEFF: Oh please dude, that’s all you’re good for!

X: All I’m good for?!

JEFF: You heard me.

X: What d’you mean “all I’m good for?”

JEFF: You know exactly what I mean.

X: I wanna hear you say it.

JEFF: Okay, fine. The only thing you’re good for is talking shit about me and to me and trying to make me feel like shit about myself no matter how good I’m doing or how hard I’m trying to do good. You just hang out there in the wings, waiting your turn—sometimes!— and whenever the opportunity presents itself, you just pipe up and start trying to tear me down and send me back into some kind of fucked up shame spiral and to tell you the truth, I’ve pretty much had e-fucking-nuff of it.

X: Damn!

JEFF: Yeah, damn! You can take your—

X: Auight, Auight, I get it.

JEFF: You’re gonna get it— right between the eyes if you don’t get the fuck out of here.

X: But I—

JEFF: You heard me! Get the fuck out of here so I can talk to my friend.

(X exits)

JEFF: Thank God. She aggravate the piss out of me. Meh-meh-meh-meh-meh! All the fucking time. It’s a wonder I don’t take a scalpel to my brain and try to cut her out. You remember that scene in the Darren Aronofsky film π ? Where he takes the drill to his head? Yeah, I get it.

Okay, anyway, it’s late and I’m just getting in. Not as late as last night but I’m pretty tired. I had a great day and it seems like I stayed really busy but all I really did was go to church, come home and nap for a minute before leaving again for an early dinner party. I guess all told I spent about four hours on the train today. I love being on the train. The subway was one of the things I missed the most about New York. And it’s Sunday so it’s okay. And I’m still trying to get settled. Flitting around New York City cannot be my job though. I need to generate income. So tomorrow morning starts the workweek. I check in with my action partner at 07:00. I’ll tell y’all more about that tomorrow but for tonight I’m just going to express some gratitude and go to bed.

I’ve loved being back in the city. I just basically walk around smiling and singing. All day long I bust people being kind and courteous to one another. That is so different from some of the bad press New York gets. I don’t know where those people get that shit. I guess it has everything to do with “you get back what you put out there” and the vibe I put out when I walk through the streets of New York is “I love this fucking city!”

Tonight’s dinner party was so great. It was low-key and casual, six smart people talking about smart things and eating good food. I love the conversations I have with my New York friends. It’s not about inane bullshit— we talk about important things. And we don’t always agree of course, but because people have read and studied things that are important to them, you don’t get a lot of impulsive “I believe this just because” shit. I love friendships that stimulate the intellect as well as the emotions.

The radiator is cranking and you can only take off so much clothes. I might have to get up there and open that little window. That seems ridiculous because it is now— hang on. Holy shit! It’s 5° with a wind chill of -15°! No wonder the walk from the train was so chilly. I had ice in my beard by the time I got back to the apartment. God I love it here, even with this brutal cold. Right now, there’s no place on earth I’d rather be. In the morning I have to get busy and figure out how I get make enough money to stay here. I’m with Allen Ginsberg— I still don’t know why I can’t get groceries on my good looks. Maybe I can. But I think I’d need an agent for that. Good night y’all. Thanks for taking the journey with me. Tomorrow we go back to talking about goals and recovery from underearning.

See y’all then.

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