What’s My Purpose? Day 5


Mom and I made it back to America Junction. It was fun being down in Auburn with Chad and his family this weekend. Don’t read too much into this; I’ll always bleed crimson (as in Tide) but as far as the community down the on “The Plains” goes, it’s pretty nice. They have a great CrossFit box and an incredible sports massage place right next door to it. Chad, Krystle, and the gang live about three minutes from the box (that’s what they call a CrossFit gym).

UGH! blah-blah-blah! I don’t care to write about all that shit! Well, it’s not shit. I really did have a great time down there and I love being around Chad’s family. His kids love me and I love them and Krys, his wife, and I have a great rapport. But I’m kind of in an irritable mood and I’m not down for writing some kind of “Dear Diary” blog entry. I’ve told you over, and over that that’s not what this fucking blog is so stop!


Okay I’m back (after half an hour on the phone to Herndon.) I really should just turn off the phone when I’m going to write the blog. Or anything at all.

I just want to go to sleep. I really did have a great weekend in Auburn but driving back (at 100 mph because the floor heater was stuck on in Mom’s Cadillac, something we knew before we left but she insisted on taking her car– and I was too much of a faggot to get under the damn dashboard and unplug the fuse that makes the heater run– I was a mechanic for the Marine Corps for fuck sake; it’s not like I couldn’t unplug a fuse so I wouldn’t have to cook– I mean literally cook my feet on the three hour drives to and from Auburn so that by the time we had stopped at Captain D’s to go through the drive through and get Mom some fried fish because I had nagged enough that she would concede to eat something– I told her she was going to fucking die if she didn’t start eating and personally although I’m sure it’s not true of all of her, there is at least a large part of my mother that wants to die which I consider to be pretty goddamned inconsiderate after she set up this codependent relationship with me before I even knew what that was– is he ever going to close those fucking parentheses? ) There. Happy?

So I did as I said I would do. I printed out the four days of the “What’s My Purpose” Venn diagram (above picture offered as evidence.) I think there’s lots to be learned from them so I resisted the urge just to half-ass willy-nilly try to find the intersection of the four circles (“I love it”, “I’m paid to do it”, “I’m great at it”, “The world needs it”)and be done with it so I could go back to just contemplating my navel in the blog each night or writing weird poetry or (hopefully someday) invite the celebrity guest stars back and make them sort out my problems for me or continue with the recovery process using the step workbook for recovery from underearning or– oh holy shit! I forgot to work on that today. And I’m tired. And I worked out like a motherfucker today at the gym and– you know, for all this processing, I sure hope that somebody remembers to point out to me that one thing that I seem to always make time for is working out. Too bad I can’t make a profession out of that. (I know, I know. But trust me; that’s not for me.)

Hey, you know what? I’m going to bed. I’m irritable and I don’t want to spread my irritability around anymore tonight.

But I do love you.

And I do appreciate your sticking with this even when I’m clearly crazy as I am tonight.
And I promise to make use of that work I did on the Venn.

But for now. My sore muscles need rest. And about a gallon of water.


See y’all tomorrow.

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