Flip Flops and Cross Ties

Up before the dawn I took Mom’s car in to be fixed and ate at Cracker Barrel while they installed the new computer in her car so the heater is no longer stuck on and then I took her to Tuscaloosa to the oncologist and came home and by then was so tired I felt sick so I laid down on the bed for about fifteen minutes before getting up and heading to Birmingham presumably to work out which never ended up happening and I’m pretty disappointed with myself about that especially given what I did instead but I absolutely have to be more gentle on myself and let a little “self-soothing” be okay as I am working through some heavy shit on a very deep level in ways like never before and it’s setting me up for success in this next phase of my development and I’m I’m I’m surrendering (in the good way) like I never have before and just working on putting into place a system or or or hell, let’s just call it a “way of living” that puts an end to all the bad kind of self-sacrifice and making way for the good kind and tonight after I didn’t go to the gym I did end up going to two buddies of mine’s house and we– they’re Marines too and I always like hanging out with Marines and they’re queer too and grew up down here in Dixie so we have that in common and yes I dream of a world where that’s not really an issue or big deal but the truth is, it is a big deal if for no other reason than we have had to live in a “relationship” to oppression for our entire lives and I have to say that all three of us have done a pretty good job at times and struggled too at times and when you’re with people who have these commonalities, there’s a huge part of the conversation that just doesn’t have to be had because you can jump past all that part where you have to explain all that to somebody and you might say that none of that is important but if you are someone who would say that, you are someone who either a) has had a similar experience and are hell-bent on discounting the effect it had on you or b) someone who has not had that experience and need (for whatever reason) to negate its importance in a person’s life.

Tonight,

When we were walking

In the dark

On the railroad track

In our flip flops

Smoking cigarettes

And laughing about times in the Marine Corps when we had to shit bad

I wasn’t thinking about all those assholes who think these three Marine war vets don’t deserve equality.

I was just thinking about my brothers

And how much I love them

And how great it was to be with them

Laughing

In the dark

In flip flops

On the railroad tracks

With their dog.

See y’all tomorrow.