Everything’s A-Okay, Hey Buddy Can I Get a Hand With This?


We’re still down in Auburn. We’re staying ’til Wednesday and starting the process of finding Mom and apartment down here so she can be closer to Chad’s family when I leave in June. I’ve decided to go to Hollywood now to make my way in The New Golden Age of Television. With part of the money I make there, I’ll also transform New York Theatre and make it sustainable for the next century.

I spent the day at the Montgomery VA getting my hand checked on. It’s a-okay except for a displaced fracture on the fifth metacarpal on my right hand. “Displaced” means it moves out of alignment when it breaks. I knew this because I could see the bone sticking up right after I (repeatedly) punched the refrigerator. I punched the refrigerator because my mother had fallen down in the kitchen. She did this to piss me off. She hates me.

I know how the bones in my hand are supposed to feel so I just used my left hand to put them back where they belong before any swelling started. The doctor congratulated me on the good job I did. They gave me nonnarcotic painkillers and a splint, which I have to wear for six weeks. I didn’t ask but just so everyone understands, that does not mean I will be not using that hand. I will workout; I will type; and when I can’t get anybody to help me out, I will wank using that hand. (Come to think of it, that has the makings of a great pick-up line. “Hey buddy, mind leanding a hand to a disabled vet?”)

But I’ve been thinking about that lately– about what I need to be doing to get ready for my real husband to show up. Auburn is full of hot agriculture, forestry, and veterinary students and because I care about forests, and food and animals, I have been doing my best to show these boys my appreciation during my visit to “The Plains.” But I actually had rather find my own personal, forever-and-always buddy/partner/husbro/cowboy so I better cool it down a little bit. Oh who am I kidding? We’ve all heard me say that so many times now even I don’t believe it.

And don’t worry, just because I haven’t been boring you all with it, the recovery writing is still going on– lots of it. Right now it’s a bunch of personal shit about my family and I will show them the courtesy of not broadcasting it. Just know that I am putting in the time and the sweat and the underearning thing is slowly turning around. Mostly what’s happening right now is I’m getting the tools in place and learning how to use them. It’s not easy. Especially after a lifetime of doing it the “other” way. I’ll be sure to share with y’all what’s working. I know from your messages that some of you are taking that journey with me. Good for you! I honor your commitment and I honor what it cost you to get to the point of healthy surrender.

See y’all tomorrow.

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