Is That Racist, I’m a Little Delirious, You’re Welcome Iraq

I’m grateful. I’m almost always grateful these days, even when things are hard, even when things are really hard. My Meta-mind is sitting in bliss even when my Monkey Mind is caught in some sort of trauma loop. Eventually I sling myself out of those. The secret is to stay in action. Keep trying something. Even if that something is to just be very still. It’s like being on a merry-go-round when it’s going too fast and you don’t know how to get off. Remember that from when you were a kid? Or hell, what do I know; you might have been on a merry-go-round yesterday. I hope you were. And knowing my friends, I probably do know someone who was. I know a lot of very cool people. I’m a little delirious.

We’re in the Emergency Department again. I came over to Birmingham to meet my brother Chad who was bringing Mom back to this part of Alabama. She’s been staying with them for a few days to give me a break before all the surgery preparation begins. By the time I got her in the car this afternoon she was in so much pain she just said, “Take me to Princeton.” So that’s where we are. It is so hot back here in this room. You could bake muffins in here. (Although I wouldn’t want to eat muffins that had been baked in an Emergency Room.) They might have two patients on their hands in a minute if somebody don’t hit the air reditioner. They’d probably have more trouble picking my 6’5″ 260 lb. self off the floor than they did getting Mom in that bed. And let me tell you that was pretty hard.

I want her to get better. I want her to get a lot better. I really want her to get a lot better. She supposed to have colon surgery on Tuesday to remove a lesion for biopsy. I hate for her to have to go under the knife when she’s dealing with all this other stuff (heart surgery last week, three recent falls- one that caused a fractured pelvis, ten years of leukemia). It’s my mom we’re talking about here, you know?

I liked last night’s blog better than tonight’s blog. I like to write scripts. I love to write scripts in fact. I can’t wait till I’m set up to get these new ones produced. Have you ever had any of your scripts produced? Let me tell you it is frickin’ great! I hope I get to feel that again soon. I also want to act again. (The ass clowns will hop on that one for sure.)

This particular doctor in the room right now is a dick. We’ve seen a few different docs tonight. I wonder if this one thinks I taking notes based on his questions (since I’m typing this.) That’s a bad thing to say, that he’s a dick. To call someone the male sex organ to mean “bad” is man-hating and there is sure-as-shit enough of that going on already without my adding to it. Fuck the man-haters. But all (and I do mean all) of the good pejoratives are politically incorrect or at the very least, insensitive. That sucks. By the way, to say something “sucks” to mean that it is bad is both misogynistic and homophobic. Now that sucks!

 I’m a little delirious.

Okay, now I really feel bad about calling Dr. Yin a dick. He seems to be very conscientious. Everyone doesn’t have to crawl down everybody’s throat to be liked like I do. I’m sure he’s very nice in his own way. It might be cultural because, as I bet you had already guessed because of his name, he’s Asian, and so therefore smarter. Is that racist? I’m pretty sure that might be racist. Is it racist to say something nice about a race of people, like that they’re smart? I think black people, on the whole, are better singers and better athletes. Is that racist? Are white people better at anything? (Some of you said oppression, I know you did.) Wouldn’t you take shit for saying that white people are or do something (positive) better than other races? And if so, wouldn’t that be because of the historical direction of racial oppression (white on… everybody else) and not because white people might be better at something (positive) than other races (and I honestly can’t think of what that might be)? I’m a little delirious.

I hope I didn’t offend anybody.

Isn’t that odd? That’s so unlike me. Well, not exactly. I don’t seem to be afraid to offend people; I just don’t like to offend O.T.W.s (Other Than White) based on race issues. “O.T.W.s” is probably offensive to somebody. But some of you probably laughed. You’re my favorites.

I better quit while I’m behind.

I wish they’d come and admit Mom. They’ve already given me the room number where she’s headed. I’m feeling so tired I don’t know if I can make it home. I want a chicken sandwich. I want a chicken to sleep in the bed with me tonight. I want to be in an air-conditioned room. Remember when we were in Iraq? Remember how fucking hot it was? Goddamn Iraq is hot. No wonder those people are in such a shitty mood all the time. At least they’re liberated now. You’re welcome Iraqis. Sorry it’s still hot. If it makes you feel any better, it’s very hot in this emergency room tonight as well.

See y’all tomorrow.