Up

There’s a large part of me that wants to hide, to retreat, to be anonymous, to be in the dark, to have my earbuds in for the rest of my life so no one will talk to me.

Today was a rollercoaster which is actually good news because it means there were some “ups.” Riding my motorcycle fast on I-22. (If I die, it wasn’t suicide.) Watching Alice in Wonderland on my laptop. Blackened tilapia tacos. A fake mojito made with soda water, lime, and mint. Sitting in a room with a bunch of other alcoholics who don’t drink. Loving on my dogs. Hearing the moan of train horns a few times during the day. Singing along to Blues classics. A fine home cooked Southern meal at my friends Julius and Lindsay’s house. Chatting with their boys. Visiting with an old friend who’s visiting New York and imagining living there again. Sitting on the front porch. Writing in my Moleskin. Doing laundry. (Yes, I’m weird but I like doing laundry.) This 11mph wind at 23:30 with the temperature still at 81°. Visiting with my friend and Intercessor, Glenda. A text or two from The Fish. A vanilla milkshake. (Maybe that shouldn’t make the list– not nearly as good as the one I made at home last night.) A-Rod hitting 3000. (All is forgiven.) Making dates with my friends Ginger and Laura (separately) for them to come see me this week. A long talk with my brother on the phone. Listening to the Alabama insects sing tonight. Seeing two men– one black, one white– having lunch today in the town once called “Bombingham”. Reading my friend Myra’s prayer group posts on Facebook. Hugging that guy after our brief meeting in Birmingham today. Writing on this laptop in the dark. Thinking of you reading it. Praying for your happiness. The thought of my comfortable bed.

And there was a lot of sad stuff too. One week ago today was the worst day of my life.

But I’ll focus on the “ups” tonight.

See y’all tomorrow.