Mom, Dad, Close Your Eyes

I was headed to bed two and a half hours ago but people kept calling. Tomorrow’s the first day of my “two-a-days” with the workouts. I’ll be going to CrossFit (of course) and also now how a powerlifting partner at the meathead gym. It’s been such a crazy couple of months (years, decades…) I’ve found that physical fitness is always a “go-to” to act as a bedrock when I have a lot of other things that need to be accomplished. The workouts seem to help my “headgear” (Marine-ism) and help me to structure and organize my day.

I now have two jobs not counting the writing. I’m working hard to generate income instead of resting on my laurels and I’m getting better and planning for the future. I’m still committed to the recovery from compulsive underearning even as I learn more about what exactly that means.  I’m close to being able to get these four scripts out to agents and/or talking to producers/theatres about getting them up and running. Each one will, according to my plan, involve providing apprenticeships for post-911 vets for as many positions as possible. It looks like two different cities will be the site for the workshop productions and/or out-of-town openings for RUTH and Lilac and Liquor but I’m going to wait to share that information until things are more definite. As they say in “the biz,” wait until the ink is dry on the checks.

I have to spend some time each day dealing with the affairs of my parents’ estate. When someone dies, there’s a lot of stuff to do– paperwork and bills and changing over of accounts etc.. I want to spare Chad most of that so I’ve taken it on. I love my brother so much and I want to make this time of grieving for him as gentle as possible. I’m sifting through the paperwork slowly but surely. I’d really rather not see the word “deceased” one more time but I have to be a big boy. I take breaks from it and go sit at her makeup table or lie on their bed. I talk to my parents and let myself believe they can hear me. I love them so much and I wish I’d told them just one more time how much I appreciate all they did for us. Some people say “they are always with you” or “they are looking down on you” which is a nice sentiment but it makes me wonder– is that all the time?! I mean I love them and miss them and all but I’d really rather them not watch me do things like sit on the toilet.

See y’all tomorrow.