Regarding the Use of the Word “Pussy”

I’ve talked about this before. Apparently somebody wasn’t listening.

I won’t lie; it’s been a particularly challenging day. And yet I am still very happy and grateful. It’s odd these days, the slings and arrows just seem to bring me reminders that I’m loved and taken care of. (Not that I’m saying “brang it on” or anything George Bushy like that.) “They” didn’t bring my joy so “they” cannot take it away.

One of my oldest and dearest friends (with whom I had never fought) said the most vicious things to me today. He’s dealing with prescription drug addiction so I know that it was really the disease talking and not him. But it did hurt me very badly– to the core. And with that being said, I can say that now more than ever I hate the fucking disease of addiction. It has intersected my path more times than I can count in my life and killed off more friends than I could list on two hands. It seems to steal our most brilliant artistic minds and turn sweet souls into lying thieves. I’d be content if I never had to lose anyone else to this terrible and destructive force. Go to hell, Addiction. You do nothing but take.

Also, more times than usual today I’ve felt like the feminist police. And out of the gate let me say that I’m not asking for, nor do I deserve any pity, sympathy, or “attaboys.” I am wrapped in male privilege and although (by virtue of being part of an oppressed group) I can imagine what women have to put up with (as any oppressed group can understand another), I will never know what it is like to be a woman and to feel what misogyny feels like when its directed at me. I won’t know what it feels like not to feel safe going out alone at night because of my gender. I’ll never know what it feels like to know that advancement in my career field will likely come more slowly if at all for me because I have two X’s instead of an X and a Y. The idea infuriates me and I am a man! I can only imagine how it makes my sisters feel. I can say that I hate sexism with all my heart and I want to be a willing ally to women in their complete overcoming in whatever way feels safe and healthy for them and– this is new– for me too. I used to let myself be “the whipping boy” because I had a penis and I am aware of the historical direction of oppression between the genders. That’s not healthy for any of us and I’ve stopped that. My female feminist friends assure me this makes me a better ally. I’m grateful for their appreciation and their good counsel and their patience with me as I am still learning.

I was feeling pretty emotionally beat up from the afore-mentioned argument with my friend when an opportunity presented itself for me to do the right thing. I really would have rather kept my mouth shut because I was tired. But guess what? Women are tired too. And they don’t get to turn off the oppression because they’re tired.

Today, someone told me (via Facebook) that he believed what Jesus meant when he said, “Let the one who has no sword sell his cloak and buy one” (Luke 22:36) is that we (and here I am actually quoting him) “I think he’s saying don’t be a liberal pussy and let Muslims kill you in the streets.” (Yes, that was his actual summation of what Jesus meant.) To support his point with visuals he posted a picture of the Charlie Hebdo shooters and an unarmed man begging for his life a second before being shot in cold blood. If you include the picture with his sentence, there are seven ways I could destroy his argument immediately (probably more if I thought about it for a minute). But I have a blanket policy against entering into Facebook “debates” ever. I swore them off last Christmas during the aftermath of the revenge killing of the two NYPD cops. I learnt m’lesson.

But I couldn’t let the “pussy” comment go unchallenged. If nothing else, it would be an affront to the good job my mom did in speaking to me about such issues, God rest her blessed soul!

 

No matter who you are or what you think the justification is, (even if the 1st Amendment does guarantee your right to do so) it is never, ever going to be okay to use the term “pussy” (or any other name for a vagina) as a pejorative. Even– and I know I walk a precarious line here as a man– if you are a woman. (Sadly, I am hearing more and more of that lately.) To use any word (especially vulgar slang terms) for a vagina to mean “weak” or “bad” or “cowardly” or otherwise lacking in any way is injurious not only to women but to all of us. It supports a sick system in which women have been abused for centuries and it must end now. Together we can do this!

I actually expected the man to concede his shortsightedness with regard to the use of the word and go back to defending the heart of his argument [Muslims are out to get us, arming everyone all the time will save us, Jesus loves the NRA, and whatever else he was aiming for (get it?)] but he didn’t! He stood his ground on the whole “pussy” thing and said that political correctness would be the downfall of Western Civilization (again here I’m offered at least three more soft targets but I abstained).

I assure you that when this nation falls, it will not be because we sought to correct our entire history of violence against and oppression of women! If anything, it might buy us a little more time.

Language is important. If some terminology in our language is perpetuating the disgusting way we have treated the half our species who bore us in their bodies, then it should be exorcised at once! Men have been silent too long on the subject. I am one man who says it has to stop.

See y’all tomorrow.