In Defense of Those Opposed to Planned Parenthood

There are a great many people in this country who are pulling for the defunding of Planned Parenthood because they are opposed to abortion. They believe that life begins at conception and are therefore against having any of their tax dollars go toward funding what they see as murder. I would tend to agree with them and don’t really think they should be required to pay for anything they are morally opposed to. I am proposing therefore that we figure out what percentage of the federal budget goes toward funding abortion (or stem cell research for that matter) and allow these devout and upright citizens to deduct that amount from the taxes they would otherwise pay into the public coffer.

Now that that has been taken care of (and having witnessed war firsthand myself) I can tell you that I am morally opposed to killing children who have already exited their mother’s bodies– and no matter what very creative rationalizations your government has offered you about this (tisk, tisk, shake head sadly) “collateral damage,” I can tell you that I believe it is murder and I find that I can no longer support it with my tax dollars. So whereas there is a possibility that the would-be aborted fetus can actually feel pain as many a good Texan will tell you, having held the Iraqi children in my arms personally, I can tell you that these born fetuses most definitely and unquestionably do feel pain as well.

While we’re at it, there’s another subject that has been weighing heavily on my conscience. I know that there seems to be some debate among those who are naturally and rightfully distrustful of all those pesky scientists but I happen to believe that the carbon emissions we continue to dump into the atmosphere are causing real and irreparable harm to the world in which all these grateful fetuses (who can now be born thank God) will be forced to live. I find that morally repugnant and I shouldn’t have to pay for it. Federal subsidies of companies that pollute the environment are in the hundreds of billions. Now that ain’t Christian!

One more thing and then I’ll let you go. I live in Walker County, Alabama. Even before the sun comes up, I see the people who live nearby up-and-attum and off to work. In fact, these must be some of the hardest working people in this country! But somehow some people think it is okay for these people (who work so very hard as I said) to make just a small, small fraction of what the executives at companies who have their corporate lips suctioned tightly to the public spigot are making! These high-dollar executives, for whom a hard day at the office is house-call barbers and manicurists and chatting it up with their buddies over martini lunches about how best to trick the system, are making money hand-over-fist while the average Alabamian seems to fall exhausted in bed each night without ever (no matter what their politicians have tricked them into believing) having a real shot at having an airplane with their name on it! Yes sir, corporate welfare is wrong! I am morally opposed to it, and I don’t think I should have to pay for it with my tax dollars!

Oh wait, one more quick thing and then I swear I’m done for today. I don’t think it’s okay to spend public funds to pay the salaries of government employees (at whatever level) who refuse to do their jobs and who give the finger to the law of the land and this nation’s highest court. (See Kim Davis.) Morally opposed to that? You bet I am. When I found that I could no longer do my job as a Marine because of my moral convictions, I got off the public tit and marched forward fulfilling my sacred oath in a way that was in concert with my religious beliefs and my ethics and without expecting the taxpayers to buy my groceries anymore. What’s good for the Jeffs is good for the Kims.

So let’s just do that, okay? Let’s figure out what percentage of the federal budget is going towards vacuuming those poor, future Rhodes Scholars out of their heartless mommy’s bellies and what is being spent on the war machine, Earth-choking energy companies, and corporate welfare. Let’s add it all up. Y’all don’t pay for what you find morally reprehensible and I won’t pay for what I do. Deal? Deal.

See? Allocation of public funds can be fun and simple. I don’t see what the big fuss was all about.
See y’all tomorrow.