Delusions of Reference Might Not Be So Delusional

This one’s going to be a short one. I’ve had a long (and pleasant) day and I’m ready to get some  sleep. I’ve been excited to get to wear my Halloween costume and tomorrow is the day! Being back in California has been very interesting. I really thought I’d be back here often when Adam and I left. After all, Salt Lake is not that far from LA. But this is only the third time I’ve been back here since I left. I forgot the SoCal part of Jeff I think. I’m still processing it all so I’ll leave it at that for now. I do believe that, because I prayed for help, things are unfolding in a way that I can even fully see myself yet. I decided today to extend my trip. I was supposed to go back to Alabama on the 4th of November but something is telling me to stay.

Do you know about Ideas (or sometimes it’s called Delusions) of Reference? It’s a psychiatric diagnosis listed in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual). I’m too lazy to look it up so I could tell you what the definition verbatim but essentially its the phenomenon of an individual’s seeing things out there in the world and thinking that they had specific reference to their own mind and experience. For example if someone had been thinking on September 10, 2001 about planes crashing into buildings and then thinking somehow they caused or at least intuited the World Trade Center terrorist attacks. Actually even typing that makes me realize that if someone (other than the motherfuckers that did it) was having these thoughts that I actually think that they must have been turned in to metaphysical messages outside our current understanding. Anyway, I want to say that a huge part of my spiritual program is kind of based in a similar idea, that my thinking really does control things in my experience— make real changes in my life and my world even that involve people or resources coming into my path! Think I’m crazy yet? You will once I explain more down the road. But not tonight because my eyes are heavy from all the sucking in of Los Angeles I did today.

I leave you with this. You know I don’t believe in the God of most of the religions of the world. I can’t and I won’t. You know, however, that I believe in God. I am telling you that since I prayed for help a month and a half ago, that people have been coming out of the woodwork in almost spooky ways to help me in way specific to the goals I have put out there. And with regard to the goals, you know I always pray “this or something better in accordance with the Will of Heaven” because I need look no further than my past experience to know that I do not always know what’s best for me. In fact, a lot of the time, what I thought I wanted for myself would have been a terrible thing if I’d gotten it. And in some cases where I let my “self will run riot,” I have created for myself a lot of pain. I’m relaxing into the prospect that God does have my best interest at heart and things are unfolding perfectly and according to schedule. My job is to be gentle with myself, take the next right indicated step, and pay attention. 

Part of taking care of myself if to get good rest which about to happen right now. Goodnight y’all.

See y’all tomorrow!