I Did Not Cause These Deaths


I don’t want to write the blog tonight. I was all prepared to repost a Facebook “debate” I had with someone about the current issues around the killing of the police officers in Brooklyn. If you saw any of the photos of them loading the body of the shooter into the ambulance, that was ten steps from my front door. I’m so sad and so tired around the whole issue and people seem to have such opposing opinions. My intention was to post the argument I had with my friend and systematically take apart her argument to prove how right I am. I’m not going to do that.

There’s so much anger and so many allegiances that seem to place people on one side of the other— “I stand up for the oppressed”,”I stand with law enforcement.”

My depression is weighing on me so heavily these days I just want to try to get through Christmas and move on. I still haven’t put up the tree. I have to do it— for Mom if nothing else. The desire just isn’t there. I wear my earbuds into stores so I don’t have to hear the Christmas music.

I plan to get up and work on my screenplay tomorrow morning. I want to have that script finished so I can take copies with me to Sundance. Maybe I’ll just immerse myself in my work until the holidays pass. My work is a refuge for me; it is, therefore, amazing to me how difficult it is for me to sit down at the desk each day and start. Once I’m going, I’m good. It’s just—

Okay, the local news just rolled a teaser for the 10pm broadcast and I just have to say just a little bit about the cop controversy. I understand that the South is going to skew all the news to reflect the social ideologies of most of their viewers BUT— I think it is unconscionable to frame these disgusting revenge killings as somehow a result of “anti-police protests.” I went to one of those protests this week! I know a hundred people in New York and around the nation who have been speaking out and standing up against bad cops killing unarmed black men and the unequal treatment of SOME law enforcement personnel AND the judicial system toward non-white women and men! I don’t know a single ONE of them who would condone revenge killings of cops— not ONE! And these protests are not “anti-police,” they are anti-abuse, they are anti-racism. Pay close attention to what I’m going to tell you: THE ABUSE OF POWER BY SOME SICK PEOPLE IN LAW ENFORCEMENT IS ANTI-POLICE! Do you understand that? It’s the actions of THESE that smear the good name of those who risk their lives everyday to protect innocent people. But for the news media to present news of cop killing as somehow as a direct result of my and others’ taking to the street to speak out against abuse by some bad cops and the killing of unarmed black me by cops who seem NEVER to face any consequences is flat out irresponsible journalism. And it is part of the problem. And it is leading us away from a solution. And that is all I can stand for tonight.

I pray for peace and the end to police brutality and revenge killings of all kinds.

See y’all tomorrow.

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